C is for Cats, and Christmas and Complicated

Sitting watching one of the cats exploring the Christmas tree.  It's past their bed time as by now they usually would have trotted down to the basement to eat their dinner. Who said cats can't be trained? But I don't do feeding, I was away when the cat related jobs were dished out. Husband got feeding, small person got cuddling and playing and I got poo and puke. I have enquired as to whether I can appeal but it seems not, so long as 2/3 of the group are happy with their roles the status quo remains..

But these guys need feeding as hubby is out at the second of 3 Christmas "do's". Something you don't get to go to when you work from home as there is no one to "do" with.  Not a huge drama as I'm not a fan of social events but it has been interesting to see lots of happy faces on twitter having lunches and parties. It has made me see how virtual my life is some weeks.  Work remains busy as those seasonal lulls don't seems to happen these days but I am looking forward to a few days off over Christmas.

There is around 6" of snow outside but it's minus 1 so mild for the time of year I guess. Small person had the day off school because it was very snowy first thing and I am a soft touch when he gets stroppy. He spent the morning watching tv before, at 1pm, realizing his friends were off school too, and then spent over 3 hours playing out in the snow. My theory is that kids are kids for a short while so they should have fun and play. You get to be a grown up for a long while, have fun whilst you can.

I'm stuck in limbo over this immigration issue...we need to get residency but because I put the wrong papers in we were sent down a snake back to square one and then the rules changed. They work out your points differently now and so now we get nix for having jobs here and being educated overseas. We are waiting to see if we can apply, paying hundreds to get someone to validate my qualifications which is both annoying and insulting.  We are hoping that my work can help, but that seems to have paused as folks discuss costs. All the motivation in the world can drain away fast when someone argues your life in a country over a few thousand dollars.  On a positive we know we are here for the next 18 months but we don't want to leave and we are a good deal.  We work hard, we give back...its tough in limbo.  I want to paint a wall; buy a house with big windows; plant a tree.  But you can't do that in limbo. It's not possible.

So I set a happy plan in motion- take a month off in the summer, have a rest, paint, visits lakes, spend time with family. Seems that that is asking too much also. Too valuable for that much time off, not valuable enough to retain here.  It's amazing how complicated things get when you move abroad and how silly and bureaucratic things can be, so much can be lost but for some common sense.

Oh well, 🐱 🐱 need food and there's poop to scoop
Until the next time
Namaste

Equal Rights for Women

It's some months since my last post mostly because I have been distracted by life - much of that good, some not so much. Beef stew in cooking in the oven awaiting suet dumplings. Vegan spice lentil soup is slow cooking and beets are boiling on the stove before peeling. The house is clean, the washing is done thanks to my husband, as is the way of the world in 2016. Well my world at least.

The country south of here may soon elect a despot who has on his list of crazy that he will appoint judges who likely will overturn laws that say men and women are equal. Let me say that slowly "women will have less rights than men".  This is not about equal pay this is about equal rights. It's hurting my head because I cannot understand how anyone can believe people aren't equal. How dare anyone believe that they are a better human than me.  It's like all of us outside that country just discovered the land that time forgot. I feel betrayed and lied to.  I was sold a higher moral power; a benevolent democracy built on equality.  I watched it for year have great TV shows and cool candy; fight bad guys; liberate people from despotism; beautiful strong people who come together in a crisis.  What went wrong?  I come from a European community that has put people first for decades.  Yes that's in free fall but I don't recall anyone amidst Brexit say "Boys are better than girls.

So that's a shadow that has hovered over my life for months now.  Folks say "but you don't live south of here, what's it got to do with us?" and that makes my stomach knot up.  I go to work in that country every day, all be it via technology.  The time, before planes and phones, when people could live as one country are long over.  The world changed exponentially over the last 10 years - we are all on one blue ball floating in space.  We are not North Korea who froze time and locked the doors.  I have no answers"...if I had faith I'd be praying right now.  I believe in humanity - and that good will win over evil.  I guess that counts as a faith. I'll focus on that as I go to work in that country each day, all be vicariously.

Friends and colleagues joke that they will move up here - to a land where just this morning the PM went on social media to celebrate Diwali and say how our diversity is our gift to the world.  I don't know if they will be let in - I know I am struggling with the process to stay. A lawyer told me this week that I have "less chance than a Chinese restaurant worker who speaks no English".  He wasn't being racist - he was simply describing the immigration law changes that in his words are "a screw up" and have inadvertently disadvantaged people in professional roles.  No idea what the way ahead is from here - but we are trying to put a positive head on. I don't want to move to an England that isn't European.  I don't know that place.  We may end up in Scotland in the land of my ancestors...who knows.  Ironically I have the papers to move to the land south of here but that's not appealing clearly.

So if you add all of that together you see that we cant make any financial plans - we are in limbo between worlds.  Whilst we just carry on with life, looking for chinks of light that will move us forward I do find my self in tears most days - exhausted by all of the thinking.  Headed into winter already in a funk...my focus now being me, my health first and formost.  Because I don't live in that 1950's world where men work and woman sew...I win bread and to do that I need to stay well.

Namaste

Being yourself - how hard can that be right?

The world in the last month has been a terrifying and inspiring place to live.  Acts of horror, acts of stupidity, acts of ignorance and intolerance and through all of that the bright lights of humanity.  I'm focussed on those...the people who talk about love, understanding and finding solutions. I'm less interested in the people calling for bigger walls, more visas and musing about the good old days that frankly were pretty sucky from what my gran taught me.

I'm very lucky in that my work surrounds me with great thinkers and some of the greatest humanitarians I have ever met.  They don't just roll their eyes at intolerance, they take actions that calls it for what it is and offer solutions.  We have talked a lot this week at work about bias and unconcious bias and it's so great because I have heard tens of people tell others about why this is an issue and how they can address it.  It's the "using it" stage of a project we a have been working on for over 2 years.  My part was tiny, so not seeking credit here...but it made me realize where I really get my buzz at work and at home....its when something is used, liked, loved, lived.  For me it's not about building new stuff or buying new stuff it's about people using that stuff, and then ( the best bit ) telling others about the stuff. It's about seeing the stuff used in a way that changes behaviour for good.

This week saw my husband turn 50, and I'll follow him there in the next 2 years....for a while now I have been focussed on what I want to be doing when I am 50, and equally what I don't want to be doing.  As an introvert smart arse my head is like a toddler crashing around a department store, so department 50 pops up randomly in thoughts alongside fitness, immigration, taxation, female health, child development, social media, agriculture, coffee, world events, Britishness, Scottishness, holidays, housework ( that's actually a lie, there is no housework department in my store - I'm following that principle of greasy hair...leave it long enough and it self cleans ) weight control, community, the world of the 8 year old and the ever popular " when's dinner?" department.

So how does this all tie together, as blogs law says it must?

Well I have identified where my energy comes from at this stage in my life and I have identified what drives me to distraction / takes up time that can just be better spent.  I believe that time is my greatest gift to me and others...whether that's as a part time worker, what is the best I can give my company in the time I'm there?. In the community, at the farm, all they ask is for my time and they are so grateful for it.  The people that I am newly mentoring at work really just want my time, they have the answers they just need to talk them through.  My son needs time with me, even though we are struggling to find something that we both do together...I suspect I need to be more flexible there. My husband is zen in most things..our time together includes date night to seek Star Trek this month! We live the high life!  So having worked all of that out...what's the next step?

Great question, that's the being true to myself part from the post title.  Working on that. All ideas gratefully received.

Namaste

Thank you Elizabeth

I'm just back from a fabulous week in the woods in New Hampshire. Four sleeps interspersed with art classes, fresh air, way too much food and wonderful people. This was my first visit to Spring Squam as for the last two years I have gone along to the Autumn retreat. ( I'm still not Canadian enough to say Fall - feels phoney when I say it).

What is Squam? Where to begin?  To me it's a virtual community of people, many of whom I will never meet, who are amazing, brave, smart, creative, sooo creative.  Knitters, painters, writers, photogs, weavers, stitchers, poets, printers....anything and everything creative.

Thanks in unmeasurable amounts to the wonderful Elizabeth, some of this sparkling community meet at art retreats through the year, a few based on Squam lake, NH.  That's where I go.  She had a vision or a need to gather a tribe, so she did. I admire her immensely, more than I can articulate. Last fall on the opening ceremony she shared some of her life journey, some of the earlier struggles with darkness.  I had that journey too.  I walked that path. I understand how far it is from there to here, and what effort it takes to move into the sunlight and out of the purple.  

I probably exchanged ten words with Elizabeth over the weekend, as I don't do a lot of deep talking at Squam, and I'm introverted and British. At Squam I like to listen and feel. There is some thinking but I try not to gorge on that.  Feelings are difficult for me as they are unfamiliar, unused and some are blocked.  Strangely maybe, i judge how relaxed and present I am at Squam by how long it takes me to  cry once I am there.  If you've walked the path you'll understand that.  If you haven't, let it go.  

So I never say outloud to Elizabeth how much I appreciate her making Squam for us. Thank you Elizabeth.  Thank you.

Oh and if that makes it sound sad or too woo woo...it isn't. It's the best fun ever. Lots and lots of laughing and meeting new and old friends.  Best of times!

What they don't tell you when you move abroad

So you decide to move to another country, you fill in endless forms, lots of photos are taken and eventually if you are really lucky you move abroad.  If you are even luckier your work has people who do lots of that work for you.

Then you've been abroad for a while, worked out that you can't get credit as your financial history is not locally grown. You work through that, walk a lot until you can get " you're not from around here" expensive finance for a car.  You work through that.

Then the place you left wants to see your income in your new home,  so you share that as you believe it's always better to overpay than underpay...karma gets you refunds. Then the place you live in wants to see what money, if any, you have in the land you came from.  You have next to nothing there but karma rules apply so you fill in all of the forms.  Surprisingly large numbers of people offer the idea that you should hide details. You don't do that. That's not who you are.

Then the land that you came from says pay them money, so you do. Then the land that you live in says "oops, we mucked up, you owe us" so you pay that.  Then before you know it its tax season again so you repeat all of the above.  You believe in paying tax because when you think about it you think about funds for education and cancer care.  You think about people who need that money.  You also think about arseholes who avoid tax, in small and large amounts, but you can't change that so you move on.

Then you think "I like it here, I'd like to stay".  You're good people, you do community stuff because your life maths is to put in more than you take out of society.  Yes, let's stay here, maybe even buy a house.  That's when you remember that you are a temp here. Not a proper person ( apart from when it's about tax...then you're a fully fledged proper person).  So you speak to smart legal people about becoming a proper person here.  They shake your world by telling you that might or might not be possible; it will certainly cost money to find out and by the way, as a temp you'll have to leave in 18 months.  That's what Temp means.  Endless temping isn't allowed any more.

So you have the land that you came from saying "close your bank account, you don't live here"; you have the land you live in seeing you as transient. You are faced with the prospect of opening a bank account in a tax haven, which is ironic as you only have a few quid but you do need a way to pay each month for the kids you sponsor in Haiti and Africa. You must maintain that commitment. It's very important.

So you spend your wedding anniversary, on a rainy Sunday morning, applying for phase one of a seven phase process to stay in the country you live in. Your 8 year old son is at a laser tag party with his hard won friends and his strong Canadian accent.  He got a new shirt last week that says "proud to be Canadian" but he tells you he can't wear it yet as he's saving it for special, for Canada Day, July 1st.

That!

Three sisters helping my soul

Beautiful surprise yesterday...it was 21 degrees and I was at the allotment clearing my new, additional plot. On March 26th, not that long ago, I was out with my camera taking pictures of trees encased in ice...Spring in Canada is like no season I have ever known.  Is the last of the snow behind us?  maybe,, we shall see.   But the sun and the warmth is so uplifting.

I went out earlier this morning, wearing my new fit bit.  A gift from my husband after his recent trip to the UK.  I hadn't asked for one but small persons logic rings true " you're fat and you need to get fit". Turns out that husband had treated himself to a new watch...it beeps when the air pressure changes. Invaluable!  I suspect the purchase of my Fitbit was cover fire for that sneaky sojourn into retail heaven.

So, I went out earlier...I drove to the fast food restaurant to get a butter smothered egg muffin..mmmmm! But everywhere there were people.  Walking, jogging, mountain biking, motor biking.  That sums up Canadians for me...first bit of decent weather and everyone is outdoors. Love it!

Everyone that is except small person who is still in bed watching teenagers play FIFA on their xbox's.  He is a very social child who loves to play out, but he also has this 1970s approach to Sunday's which is to do nothing much and stare at a screen. Roll back 40 years and that would have been me watching Jack Hargreaves and his dog visiting country fairs and horse sales.  Was it great TV? No. Was it the only program on TV on a Sunday morning?  Yes.

So, up at the allotment yesterday - caught up with friends. It's all change in the leadership, new methods of composting are being muted. Water is being discussed.  I walk a fine line between escaping the need to think and getting involved in the work of the place.  I really just want brain peace this year I think.  I emailed the nice neighbour who grows the food for the food back to see if her tractor guy would till my plot, and serendipity saw me asking her just before she was calling him.  Happy days if he can help as that will save me 10 hours of labour.

So why an additional plot, given that my current queendom is 6 times the size of everyone else's?  Well, it was there, orphaned, and I want to find a way to engage small person in some basic life skills, like growing and eating.  He learnt about the pioneers this year, who came to Ontario mostly from Europe and were educated by the First Nation folks in how to farm in this soil. They used a Three Sisters method where you plant climbing bean, squash and sweet corn in the same spot. The corn supports the bean and the squash keeps down the weeds.  I tried it once in the UK but the climate wasn't what was needed.  Given that this is where folks did this as the norm we're giving it a go.

Also I plan to staycation on my allotment this summer.  Plans are underway for a second car, so that I can get out of the house.  Just looking at my Instagram account reminds me that I have been trapped inside for too long this least 6 months.  My husbands firm recently instigated a work at home day once a week, so more freedom there for me, as I can finish work on time once a week and head to the land whilst he's at home when small person gets in from school.

On my vision board for the last two years I had things like "all summer off" and "lengthy summer vacations"...you gotta be carefully what you wish for because it happens before you know it.  I have 2  solo art retreats on the books, plus a week north as a family in August and in the last week I found a deal on a cruise for the small person and I to the Caribbean.  Indulgent - of course. Exciting - very. Why? Because I am super tired everyday, likely working in a role that hinders more than helps me, so I need down time. Change jobs? Challenging as our being in Canada requires that I have this job. I like my work, I just think it's a bit toxic to my personality.  It's super busy, super crazy, super fast. I liken it to working on the stock market...fun but there comes a time when you need to slow down or burn out.

So the next month has us applying for residency, renewing visas, buying a car and completing endless tax forms. When you add all that up, having a rectangle of soil to play in makes perfect sense.

Namaste

How I found Squam

Sharing this story for anyone who believes in, or is looking for examples of, the universe listening and giving us what we sought.  As a romantic at heart I love to believe that is possible, but the Sheldon of my personality always chips in that what is actually happening is my unconscious mind responded to an articulated request.  Whatever!  If you state it, and plan it, it will happen I reckon.  So the story...

About 7 years ago my friend Louise Gale blogged about Squam. She shared photos, and stories and it looked amazing.  She was living in the USA at that time, a Brit abroad. I was a Brit at home, aged 40 with a new baby.  I loved what she wrote and whilst I loved my precious little man I envied her that opportunity to live the life she loved.  My journey to parenthood was over years of fertility treatment, so I also beat myself up a little for having the greatest treasure in the world and still wanting something more.  My clear memory is packing all of my art stuff into a large cupboard and joking to a friend that that  will be in there for 5 years.  As it goes, it was but that's not the story...

Role ahead to 2013 and a cold winters day in NYC. I had by now moved to Canada via work ( wish for it and it happens.  I thank Louise again for guiding me in dream boards and making dreams come true).

  I headed to the airport early as I hate to be late. Traffic was absent, lights were green and I got to Laguardia so early that they put me on standby for an earlier flight. At the risk of sounding provincial I had never been on standby before...it was quite exciting.  I get on that flight, and sit next to a lady wearing a beautiful shawl. I unpack my essentials and settle down.  My essentials being a ball of yarn and a crochet hook.  The minutes I did that she burst out a laugh and said " I don't believe it".  Turns out she was commenting on the odds of sitting next to a fellow yarn nut. Over the course of the flight I learnt that she was high powered exec by day and an awesome sample knitter by night. Folks design patterns and she road tests them.  She gave me great tips about Toronto, my new home, and told me about Ravelry.  Who knew there was a on online community for knitting and such?

A few days later when I had time to stop and not think I checked out Ravelry and there was an icon for Squam...that thing that I had heard about over 5 years before but hadn't thought of since.  I checked it out, I signed up for Fall 2014. I had no means to pay for it and when It came to pay the balance I recall asking Elisabeth if there was a wait list so that some one else could take my spot.  That wasn't possible so I scratched around and found the money somehow and off I went.  It was amazing, and you can read about it in my blog under Squam, Calm and Slow.

So was that fate, serendipity, cognitive something or other? Don't care, it's a recipe for success I reckon. Stop, think, or stop and stop thinking, see what comes into your mind...you want it - ask for it...it arrives.

I'm looking for something

I am home alone this morning. My husband gets back from the city later today after a 2 night "me time" break. I go away for work or fun quite a bit.  Huge gratitude to everyone that I am able to do that, especially the fun parts.  So last winter as the snow looked like it was staying for ever my husband said that he fancied a weekend away in Toronto. Nice idea I thought, but who will look after small person?  " Well you will Fiona, I'm going alone".  I'll admit that my mind went at 300 miles an hour from "how dare he; what's he up to; it's alright for some" and then I applied the brain brake and realized that this was a great idea.  He gets to sit in silence if that's what he needs; he gets to drink beer in a bar and watch sports that he is only now starting to understand, like Curling.

So he's off having fun and being the smartest man alive he also seals the deal this time by asking "do you want anything from the L'Occitane store".  Smooth!

So I'd planned mummy and me time with Small person.  Nothing elaborate, just a meal out Friday and a trip to the movies Saturday.  Turns out that when you are 8 you don't need your mum so much, you prefer friends. Apparently people have studied this. I can vouch for it being true because on Friday night he fidgeted throughout the meal and acted like he was sugar high and then he dumped me for his mate who asked him for a sleep over. I could have said no but I have learnt that dragging him kicking and screaming with me with the order "we will have a nice time" is exhausting and not so much fun. So, home alone, plus cats. Strong tea and calabrese toast with Scottish Marmalade. It's so quiet I can hear the silence.

Having had time to myself this weekend I have been sorting things out, in the house, at my bank and in my head. I tried to explain introversion to others at work this week, but I'm not sure I did it that affectively. I said "everything that I see, feel, need to do, need to understand, every imagining of any kind is a file in my head. So when we are at work and it's busy, and we need to work out what to do first, all of those questions are files in my head, additional files.  My head ( physically larger than it should be for sure, as my family have mahoosive heads) has to hold all of the information.  So when I check a box on a survey that says " workload is too high or not fairly shared out" what I mean is there is too much to fit in my head.  It's not about my ability to prioritize at this point, because if you imagine hundreds of files shoved in a finite space there is no room to sort them and move them around. It just becomes a pile of stuff wedged in a box.

That to me is the crux of introversion  - it is the beauty of being able to think before I speak and the burden of having a very full head.  So the challenge then becomes about doing thing that silence the thinking. Doing absorbing things that have me focus in the moment. I am back doing yoga. It's helping but I still find that the silence in my head is a new space that get filled with thoughts on how to solve that work conundrum.  It will take time and practice, probably over a lifetime I reckon.  Another way that works is to get lost in a crowd of people who are just like me.  It's kind of diversity in reverse in a way but if I go camp out in the woods with my tribe the need to "work it all out, whose who and why" isn't needed. My brain slows right down...and that my friends is why I am going twice to Squam this year. Woot woot!

Namaste

Cemetery in the woods

Sunday morning, breakfast behind us. Small person and husband have a day of doing nothing planned but I want to do something. It's mild for February, around freezing point, a little bit of ice in the shade. What to do, what to do? I decided to just get in the car and see where it went. It went to Tim Hortons drive through...well this is Canada, and I haven't had a coffee in around a hour so coffee it is.  Then I drove onto the Mcmichael Art Gallery which is magically 3 miles from my house.  Somedays living in a small town north of the burbs can be boring or overly franchised.  But then I remember that the greatest collection of Canadian Art (IMO) is 12 minutes away...and off I go.

 

Sometime I go inside but mostly I walk around outside. Today I took a different path and then watched 2 chipmunks playing, up trees, down trees, through hollow logs. It was very cute and they were surprisingly loud and squeaky. I walked around the sculpture garden. Huge bronze statues. I liked them in their setting, as they were so out of scale and hard looking against the trees.  I walked through an art installation which I think was about the river of dreams. Sign was in French so I had to guess a few word.  12 massive weather vain like structures along a frozen stream. Each one had a message in a bottle hanging from it... I read them all.  Again, I likes the fact that this was so large and incongruous but it didn't touch my heart.

Then I wandered on to what the map called "the artists cemetery". At first I thought I'd detour to avoid that but why? Go have a look. As always the thing that I would have avoided if I'd let myself dwell on it too much was the best experience. I had no idea that six of the Group of Seven artists were buried, with their wives, in a circle in the trees. Before I came to Canada I had not even heard of the Group of Seven. Now I am learning as I go, and their art is a spiritual connection I have made with my new home. The cemetery and graves is a circle of granite rocks with their names carved out. The rocks symbolizing the Canadian landscape that they captured in their art in the 1920's and 1930's.  I'm still processing the experience...how people, live, are great, have a profound impact that remains when they are gone, and then there is a circle of rocks. The trees keep growing, the chipmunks play on.  I stood in the silence, my bare hand on a tall tree, trying to feel something. I have trouble feeling feelings, nobody's perfect. But what I did see after standing still was more detail.  It was as if more of the nature came into focus.  I liked that.  I took a lots of photos of foliage for a study of the colours of winter that I am starting on later today...simple pleasures

Namaste
Fiona

Things to know when visiting Canada from the UK

We are all very excited as Small Persons BFF is coming for a visit in 2 weeks time.  Coincidently her class is learning all about Canada this week, so we thought we'd offer up some translations to help her in both adventures.  Also yesterday, as I rummaged in my bag to find my purse I was reminded of the differencies in language.

I was in a shop paying a bill and as I rummaged I said " sorry, just need to find my purse". The girls pointed at my bag and said " but that's your purse".  "No, that's my bag.  Here's my purse".  "Really? Because to me that's your wallet".  " ha, men have wallets, girls have purses and bags"... So you see the fun that can be had moving to another English speaking nation.  I suspect the French to French here has similar nuances but I don't have those language skills to tell yet!

So, here is the helpful list:  from UK to Ontario English ( things may be different in other provinces)

A hat is a toque
A jumper is a sweater
Trainers are runners
A cuddly toy is a stuffie
A pussy cat is a kitty
Trousers are pants
Pants are underpants
Salopettes are snow pants
A bag is a purse
A purse is a wallet
A white coffee is coffee with milk
A biscuit is a cookie
A scone is a biscuit
Sweets are candy
Fizzy drinks are Pop
A swede is a rudebega
A cucumber is an English cucumber
A muffin is an English muffin
A Canada goose is a goose
Petrol is Gas
Gas is gas
An estate agent is a realtor
A chemist is a pharmacist
Cigarettes are smokes
Our car is a truck

Toilets are washrooms
Starbucks is Starbucks
Torches are flashlights
Crisps are chips
Chips are fries
Sledge is a sled
A manual car is a Standard
A queue is a line
Football is soccer
The car boot is a trunk
The car bonnet is a hood
The road is pavement
The pavement is the sidewalk
The head teacher is the principal
The deputy head is the vice principal
Play time is recess
The climbing frame is a playground
The back garden is the yard
The settee is the couch
Young people are called youth
Pudding is called dessert
Jelly is jello
Wool is yarn
Doughnuts are donuts
A tram is a streetcar
A spade is a shovel



If we got and wrong feel free to correct us in the comments below
#weloveithere

Interview with small person

Hello small person, what did you do this weekend?

- I went to camp.

Where was that?

- in a cabin

Did you sleep on the floor?

- no in a bunk bed

What was your favourite thing about being at camp?

- tobogganing

What did you like the least?

-  hmmm, like the least?  Looking at trees.

Why were you looking at trees?

- I don't know.

What did you eat?

- schmores, sandwiches, berzangne, bacon and syrup. That's it.

What was the funniest thing that happened?

- nothing...

Interview suspended whilst he visits the bathroom. Door closed he's singing " I kissed a girl and I liked a it...her lips tasted of cherry Chapstick." He returns and the interview continues.

Did you kiss a girl?

-NO!

What made you happiest at camp?

- I already told you, tobogganing

What did you learn at camp?

- Nothing.

nothing?

- eesch mum, how many times do I have to say it.  Nothing.

Interview ends, TV off pause and SpongeBob fills the room once again.

#makingmemories

Raggy Blanket

What to do with a pile of old kids t-shirts and jeans when you have a week off work? Raggy blanket!

Lots of six inch squares, cut with a roller cutter. It's super sharp so I managed to cut my finger at the start of the project.

Then sew 12 in a line with 1cm edge on the right side.  Clip the corners at 45 degrees, so that it's not too bulky when it all gets sewn together.  Iron it flat, see below.

Make 9 rows then sew them together, with a 1 cm edge on the right side.  When you have a rectangle you just need to sew on a back sheet having first sandwiched in thick fleece or quilting fluffy stuff.  Then spend a couple of hours clipping all of the edges into fringes. Voila!

Did you have a good Christmas?

It's back to work next week after 10 days "off". "Did you have a good Christmas?" folks will ask. What shall I reply? I think I'll go with "yes thanks, how about you?" rather than the longer version. In truth I kind of went away for Christmas. I was here for small person and ooh'd and ahh'd in all of the right places.  Husband spent hours roasting a turkey, I spent hours making mince pies from scratch...including the mince meat.  Weeks of watching Tudor Monastery Farm had me convinced that chucking fruit and booze in a bowl was all that was needed. The rum and brandy helped them taste right.  Santa came a left lots of lovely gifts. Small person was very happy if a little over wrought by the build up and excitement.  On a bedroom time out by 9 am cooling off from a tantrum.  And through it all I was unwell.

The weeks leading up to Christmas were extremely stressful. Work stress, awake at 4 am and down to the sofa to fall asleep in front of the TV. Then stomach flu that became head flu which for the last 10 days has meant back pain.  Two physio massages and my back and neck hurt a lot.  A routine trip to Toronto for a mammogram, just because I'm at the age when you have those. Then a call back Christmas Eve for another mammogram and an ultrasound.  The nurse telling me that that is not unusual to be called back, as they have no previous records for me, but it got me thinking...and feeling the fear.

Usually at Christmas I plan ahead - I like planning. I don't always follow my plans but I like the order that is created, all be it superficial, by making plans. Where shall we go on holiday this year? Should we get another car once our house is sold? Should I join weight watchers? What shall we do for husbands 50th birthday?  I am distracted this year by a huge self indulgence of feeling ill and worrying that I am ill'er, if that's a word.  I think that is a symptom of being stuck indoors in 12 days of Christmas limbo.

I sent small person to day camp yesterday as I had pre planned that, worried that he'd be stir crazy by now.  He's fine but I think I'm the stir crazy one. After a brisk ( not too brisk so as to fall over ) walk in the snow, to buy essentials I cleared the drive of snow.  I was ably assisted  by three small children from up the street who came with shovels. I paid them in candy.  It's the way we do things in this street.  Then I made a healthy lunch and settled down to watch Gone With The Wind. 3 hours later I remembered how it annoys me that he left her...great film though.  I cooked Chana Dal for my dinner...having made turkey stew for the guys.  It said add 7 chillies, so on the advice of the author to half the chillies, on seeing my pale Celtic skin, I added only three.  Who knew you were supposed to take the seeds out. That's one hot Chana Dal.

So today, it's me and small person, again no car and he's out up the street throwing snow around with his friends.  They'll play old school for 20 minutes then pile in and fight over the Xbox. They have a very loud and volatile relationship.... When 2 play it's okay, when 3 it gets loud, today it sounds like 5 have turned up out there.  There will be demands to "get off my property" from small person any time soon.

My plans? Tidy up a bit, take an ibuprofen, rest, cough. Drink lots of water. Maybe get the paints out...we shall see. No point worrying - worry has no value.  And when people ask "did you have a good Christmas?" I shall say yes.

Namaste

Dunkirk Spirit

We all stood at the bus stop this morning in a very mild December ( I'm still wearing my Birkenstocks, although I look like a nutter) and the kids were very excited. The big kids were off to the rink for skating - gotta love a country where PE is ice skating. The little kids were buzzing as today was the Christmas concert. No political correctness here - it's holiday season and we talk about Christmas. That's what I love about the bus line ( translate that as queue ) it's mini Canada to me.  I did a mental roll call of the parents...we have 2 white folks with studs and dreadlocks, a grandpa from Jamaica, Russians, Bhuddists, Catholics, Muslims, Protestants, a Pastor, and us. Not sure we fit in any of those boxes but I feel an affinity with each one of them.  It is such an eclectic mix.

Small person square danced to a Christmas song, wearing a tinsel elf hat.  The kid with autism wore noise dampening headphones, that I guess cut out the volume that bothers him, so he had a great time too. It's fabulous to me all of this "so what diversity". I'm the girl who grew up in the sixties and still remembers her gran saying " if you see a black man you make a wish for good luck". I don't think she was racist, simply that she was born in 1900 and society was very linear as folks had small worlds that they never left.

I may have blogged before about childhood, I can't recall, so apologies for repetition, but I am local to stories of the 2nd World War, of my dad arriving home as a small boy to find that the Gerry's had blown the door off; stories from Grandma about carrying cans of evaporated milk in a paper bag during rationing and the bottom dropping out just as a policeman walked by; my mum telling me that during the Cuban missile crisis they really did think they'd be dead within the week; being afraid to go up to London each year with school, for fear of Irish terrorists. Ironically they blew up a local bank, so there was no need to travel for terror. It came visiting. As I look back at the journey I have made I both cringe at the things that I used to think and say about others; and am proud at the progress I have made although there is still a way to go as I still have a concious bias against Yorkshireman.

Is there a point to this ramble? Well yes...as I sit here in my warm home in Canada I connect to the world via the web, via the BBC and via Facebook.  I see my awesome friend Pauline make twice weekly trips to Calais to distribute aid, feed hungry refugees and share hugs most likely with some of the poorest people on this planet. They have fled terror, travelled miles, trying to get to UK where they think life will be good. Sadly laws, red tape, lack of political will, nimbyism, racism, selfishness and ignorance have so far condemned these people to live on a rubbish dump in Calais and Dunkirk. They may never be allowed into Britain but ignoring them is not the answer. But it gets worse because the governments of France and UK have spent a fortune on security and preventative measures to stop these people from getting to a safe, warm home.  If they were dogs or horses the British would be lobbying Govt to do something now.

My head links their horror in Dunkirk to the horror of world war 2 in that place; links them living in French mud with the First World War trenches; links our fear of them being terrorists with my fear of the Irish when I was a kid; links my grans stories of milk during rationing with Pauline and her friends helping get cans of food to these people. That's almost funny- taking food to the cuisine capital of the world.  But it's not.

Maybe the links that I make in my head are just my over charged brain working overtime but to me ignoring or arguing about these folks is wrong on every level.  After a tough ( safe western tough ) few months at work I heard myself today telling some one that we have worked really well as a team, pulled together, that we have a "Dunkirk spirit"...and there it is again.  History is rewriting what it is to have a Dunkirk spirit...it should remain as a memory of strength and togetherness and must not be allowed to become " the ability to survive squalor in a muddy field, with PTSD, whilst folks sit indoors eating turkey 20 miles away".

Silent house

Eight years ago I was in the UK, in labour, tired and scared. My husband had popped out of the hospital to get food and for reasons no one will ever understand, he stopped off on the way back at B&Q to buy light fittings.  To be fair we needed those light fittings, although likely not urgently. So I spent an hour or two, no idea how long, alone apart from the machines that go ping.  40 minutes before my 40th birthday small person arrived. Face scrunched up, with lines across his brow as if to say " what did you wake me up for, I was asleep". Within two days the nurses on the Mat ward informed me "he's got a temper!" And so it began...the journey into parenthood.

On his third birthday we had Jo Jingles sing and play, so sweet. By 4 it was super heroes with the real Spider-Man. The muscles on that guy were very pleasing to the mums at the party.  For his 5th birthday they ran screaming around Manic Monsters, slides, football and sausage and chips. Off to Canada we went, so his 6th was a Star Wars art party in Ontario, with his whole class as we tried to help him make friends. The kittens actually helped there but they came the following March. For his 7th we went to Chuck e Cheese, which was the loudest, purplest party ever. He loved it. We loved that he loved it. This year, for 8th, we took the kids to Lazer Tag on a school night. It was "awesome" but a struggle to get him up and dressed the next day, for school.

 Today, on his birthday, he went to school in his pyjamas, (they spell that pajamas!) as a celebration that the class "beat the teacher". It's like Harry Potter- they get house points for being good, quiet, kind etc. So a very excited 8 year old borded the bus today, at minus 2 degrees, in his pjs.

The house is now silent. The cats have gone to sleep, likely together as they do like a cuddle. I am off to work, back into a busy and fast changing workplace. Reorganization sees colleagues and friends leaving at the end of today. This time around I get to stay, like last time, and that is a bitter pill as you see yourself catapulted into a reality that you didn't choose. Weeks ahead of working out what your role is; lots of emotions crammed into every work day spilling out into home life unless I'm super focussed on that.  Health report back from my annual medical. Not "sick" but not "well". Too heavy, too round, lacking iron, needing exercise...no more wine, liver not happy.  Hoping the iron tablets will kick in soon...a slimmer fitter me is coming to this town soon.

Namaste

Pre Coffee Rant

Great fun at art class last night.  Its an painting free-for-all - which means you paint what you want over 3 evenings.  We chat whilst we paint with our core subjects being the Blue Jays and the school strike.  I did divert the conversation to discussing how hot the PM is but apparently that's not a key asset for a leader.  Who knew?

Blue Jays won - yay!  So we talked school.  The teachers are on a work to rule, have been for months.  The Office staff the same.  Cleaners are on all out strike.  My friend recounted how she went to pick her kid up early for a dental appointment and the Principal had to open the door as the office staff can't press a buzzer under the terms of their industrial action.  It gets better.  When she asked the office worker to call the classroom to send her daughter up, she declined "work to rule!" so they had to wait for the Principal to return to have him call ahead.

Now here's my point, for I always have a point.  This is a great, free, democratic country.  Always a socialist at heart, with a very small S,  I respect people's right to take organized action to confront hardship and tyranny.  I support action like the UK General Strike of 1926 where pay was so low people in work were starving and those out of work, back for the war, were without prospects and starving.  That was a movement to say "enough inequality, enough starvation, enough!" 

Roll forward to the Miners Strikes, where the Government closed the mines without any regeneration plans for those communities.  Not cost effective to mine coal? - fair enough, I'm a capitalist too, again small C.  But to take away work without any plans for the survivors to find new work was shameful and inhuman.  Generation grew up without work.  IMO from that came "the choice to not work" as living on the state became an option for some, whilst many had no choice but to do that.

So the point in all of this - industrial action in the face of a future human and social catastrophe or as a challenge to current hardship - GOOD.  Industrial action because you aren't getting paid as much as you wish you were - NOT GOOD.

As we enter the flu season, with the schools being filthy, they are starting to ask us to donate antiseptic wipes to clean the kids desks...but they don't ask via a note home as photocopying is not allowed under the work to rule.  So, grumpy about all this for both sides - as what is the elected leader doing to resolve this?  As Maude always used to say in the Simpsons "won't somebody please think of the children"

Off to work
Namaste

Thanksgiving Weekend

That came around super fast. Getting ready to go apple picking later once small person returns from Saturday School.  That's so that he can keep up with his Peers, as youngest boy in his year, and not a faith activity at Temple. Small person is proving to be fabulous at math, outspoken and not keen to follow instructions.  No idea where that all comes from. ha!

It's been a long and enjoyable seven days for me. Last Saturday we played at the pumpkin festival which was essentially outdoor fun with orange blobs here and there. Then an overnight flight to UK and two days walking around well tended gardens and battling thorns and stings in my own back yard.  UK house is sold and we now have a paperwork mountain prior to completion. Great karma that we have sold it to a friend who asked us 5 years ago to let her buy it. Happy for us and for her. Many weeks of reading about tax and money transfers are in my future I reckon. Maybe we will be home owners again in 2016. Dunno, all too complicated with jet lag.

I spent 2 days at work in London, catching up with friends and not catching up with family. Travelling with work is full on, and meeting up with people who are 2 to 4 hours away is impossible. I imagine folks believe it's all nights out and plush hotels when infact its in bed by 8pm, laptop on, back to work. Not complaining, but increasing surprised by how little time I have away from work.

I enjoyed walking around in the drizzley rain, the silence, the beautiful manners and friendliness of people in shops and hotels. Love those Europeans with doctorates who sell coffee in Pret as that is better than being unemployed in Portugal. Everyone I spoke to had an aunt in Toronto but know one asked if I'd met them :-)

I didn't enjoy watching the news, with the party conferences.  Hours about the rights and wrongs of having to pay 5p for a carrier bag.  What the hell? Children are drowning in the Med.  Winters coming and 800k people are living in tents in Germany.  It's gonna get bloody cold for them very soon.  I wonder what their views are on 5p carrier bags?

The news was so negative, so "problem to solve", so "defending our borders from job stealing foreigners".  Maybe as a job stealing foreigner myself I am biased, but what I love about Canada is the " expand, evolve, grow" attitude that sits beneath the news stories.  There are problems here too, no one is perfect, but it feels like people solve problems to create opportunities, not to lock things down and preserve the now.

On the C4 news they had a writer who took issue with a women in a hijab winning the Great British Bake Off.  He felt that Britishness had been and was being diluted.  Less than 5% of Europeans are Muslim, and many of those in the UK are 3rd and 4th generation.

What is "Britishness" anyway?  A friend at work shared a Ted Talk video with us last week, about who you are.  The speaker proposed that you are not "from" a country. You are from a set of experiences. You are local to those experiences.  So whilst on paper I am a temporary British foreign worker in Ontario, Canada, I do not relate to the British people I saw on the news in UK. I am local to my community today and my community I had in England, local to artist friends across the world and to a Britain in the 1970s when my Grandparents told me stories of ww1 and ww2 and I wore flares and played outside and drank from hose pipes in the garden.  I am local to the islands off Scotland where I felt a spiritual connection to the past; and to a small town in Spain where I can order my breakfast in perfect Spanish.

With a blog your supposed to end on a note that shows a purpose in the writing...not too sure what that is on this one other than I feel at home with people and not places. A friend remarked that I had posted on Facebook that I was flying home to Canada...I explained that I was in fact flying home to my husband and small person as they are my home.

Off to the apple orchard...

What have we learnt?

We have been in Canada now for two years and 2 days...I can't believe it's that long and at the same time I can't imagine living anywhere else. Our town, Bolton, which always make me chuckle as it is so not like Lancashire, holds a Fall Fair this week each year.  It's like the Lingfield and Oxted show if that were 1/20 th the size, and had no animals larger than a llama.  We went along yesterday after an hour running around town dishing out leaflets for next weekends Pumpkin Fest. Small person slid down the jumbo slide 5 times- a lover of the simple rides...we avoided a big bowl thing that was like the cage from my youth.

The best part of the show for me was meeting up and talking to people that I know...#community. The cub leaders tried again to enrol me as a leader.  "Where's you red shirt" they shouted every time I walked by. I explained "I don't like kids!" But apparently that's no barrier.  I will resist.  Inside the arena, on the skating rink ( no ice yet, phew) I met up with the community farm people and we chatted about the Fest.  I met friends whilst we watched the dog show and on the way back chatted to the ladies in the wine store about an up coming toonie sale.  When we first arrived in Canada I recall that it was hard starting conversations - not sure if it was my accent or that I was a stranger but there were many monosyllabic conversations in shops.  Now small person gets cross " stop talking to everybody mom!" Can't help it, it's what I do.

So, how to capture our time here so far...blatent copying of a cool post on Facebook that listed 30 things about Britain.  Here's 30 things about Canada...

1. It's not like America
2. Crisp are called chips
3. Chips are called fries
4. No one understand you when you say "half past three"
5. Men wear baseball caps a lot, mostly backwards
6. Milk comes in plastic bags
7. People call you "Hun" but not in a German way
8. People really do say "eh?" at the end of sentences, but not all the time and not everyone
9. No one knows what a jumper is.
10. It's not like America
11. Cars run on gas, but it's not a gas, it's a liquid. What's up with that?
12. All teenagers are beautiful human beings, with Saturday job, manners and great teeth
13. Getting a coffee at the drive through is normal. Getting out of your car to get one is the strange way
14. Most people drink bad coffee from a donut chain, but no one admits it is bad. It's a patriotism thing. They've introduce a dark roast version to give it some flavour. It's not awful.
15. Canadians are as polite as you have been told they are
16. Canadians in cars are appalling.
17. Some Canadian cars have rust holes that you could put your fist through and no one minds
18. They have a really great baseball team
19. Teachers go on strike to "protect education" but that harms the kids education. No one seems that mad about it...goes to point 15.
20. They sing the national anthem in school every day
21. The language is like syrup, everything blends and flows.  "Wad hur" comes out of taps. The second city is call "Tor-on-oh"
22. Towns are named after British towns, but pronounced literally, like folks learnt English from books.  Tottenham is pronounced Tot En Ham; Scarborough is pronounced Scar Bore Oh
23. The cheese is generally bland, ever when it proclaims itself Fort
24. You can buy a tea pot and a tent in a shop called Canadian Tire
25. Some words are spelt right but they say Pross ess for process.
26. You have to buy alcohol in government owned store. It's tied to preventing young people drinking too much. Ontario has a huge under age drinking issue. Guess that didn't work, eh?
27. People smoke pot, you can smell it everywhere
28. It's not like America
29. In two years of living in the 4th most diverse area in the the world (Greater Toronto) I have only experienced one example of racism, and that was a taxi driver who smelt of beer and had issues with Judeism. There's always one looney out there
30. It's a fabulous place to live and we love it here

Wheels within wheels

Everything feels cyclical at the moment.  I planted the allotment and now we are into harvest, eat and store.  The coriander has shot off so I'm drying bunches upside down in bags, to catch the seeds.  Some for storing, some for sowing,

Every day begins with tea, then coffee, ends with wine.  That's not healthy and whilst I am working on that I do wonder how I got here. Small person was watching Kung Fu Panda fighting bad guys the  other day and in an attempt to connect with the snarling child I asked "ooh, how does he do that, does he have magic powers?" "No mom!" He snapped.  "He is using inner peace!".  Lucky him, peace and agility, mind you he doesn't have a 7 year old moaning "I'm bored" every 15 minutes.

To be clear, small person goes to various camps throughout the summer. This is week 6 of a 10 week summer break. He has been rock climbing, scooting, played floor hockey, soccer, basket ball. He has painted a cheetah, learnt circus skills, been whale spotting.  Hardship is not on his list of things to gripe about.  He also had a week hanging out with me, unplugged and "entertain ourselves".   That's when the boredom first surfaced. I was searching for a metaphor yesterday to explain to my husband what it feels like to have a bored child complaining for days.  I think I found it...imagine you are on a 8 hour flight with a kid in the seat behind who keeps kicking your seat, nonstop except when he is eating.  That's where the tea, coffee, wine come in...although that's not his doing, that's my lack of panda inner peace at play.

So what to do? We went out for a meal last night, nothing fancy.  Small person was stroppy and octopus arms.  He knocked over a glass of wine that soaked daddy chest to crotch.  So we are  now avoiding public places.  Small person has struck a deal to have "big brother play dates" with the 4 year old son of close friends.  They played together for hours on Saturday with next to no drama, so that is looking great.  Camping? We are test driving our new tent next weekend...hopefully 24 hours without electricity will bring some calm. Plus we are camping down inToronto near the British Grocer, so we can restock the beans and Branston on the way home!

I am cutting out the wine from today, for all of August. We'll see how that works out.  Work wise, still underwater but my latest plan is foolproof...go home on time.  That way I will have time to exercise and I can spend time with the small person  (short bursts...nothing too planned). He hates me at the moment because I am mean.  Daddy and I call it parenting.  Small person calls it mean. I don't think kids should play out in the semi dark at 9.30 at night; I don't care if his friends are out running the streets. don't think that watching grand theft auto is okay for kids aged 6 to 8. I don't care if his friends play it all the time. I don't agree that the TV should be on at meal times; and our latest point of contention...if we are going out somewhere as a family, daddy and I don't want to bring street kids with us.  So all in all a lot of disagreements and "mean mum", door slamming, some bad language.  So grounded a fair bit...which...wait a minute, means he stuck in with me and boredom.  Hmmm, he has his own little cycle of life going on there.

#need 2 days alone at a spa.

Talking of circles a recommend this cool online class exploring Mandalas. It's fabulous, if a little addictive

Namaste

Day 6 at sea...

Day six and we are surviving on only 6 meals a day. There are rumours that Rennies and Tums may need to be rationed such is the quantity of food consumed ship wide and the extreme size of many of the passengers.  Absent mindedly I got in the elevator yesterday to go up one floor...embarrassed I apologies to the ladies in the lift. "It's okay dear, there is no judgement on the ship!".  Really? We have been people watching and judging since day one.  It's what we do best.

We have seen 20 Stone people eat mountains of food from the comfort of immobility scooters before rolling over everyone to get by.  People who think it is acceptable to clear their sinus' and hock up snot in any public place.  We deduce that that is a cultural thing as so many folks who look alike are doing it with no qualms.  People drinking themselves into a drunken blur with minutes of boarding the ship. Old people acting like teenagers, loud and tipsy.  Worst of all is the rudeness that some people display to the staff. Or lack of courtesy like saying thank you or acknowling people with a smile. 

I wasn't sure what to expect having never cruised before but I have found that I have a physical discomfort and guilt about having access to so much when the staff have so much less. I can't imagine how that feels, to see people indulge so much around you, and you are away from your family for 9 months. The staff are all very cheerful and professional but I can't escape the fact that if they had greater choices in life many wouldn't be doing this.  Yes, part of our affluence is because we have worked hard, but the fact that we were born into an affluent, free and stable society is a huge factor in why we are lounging about eating fresh baked cookies every afternoon contemplating "Spa or sleep?"

But we are enjoying ourselves despite my social angst.  We are pretty much busy doing nothing. Small person continues to refuse to go ashore. He stays in the fun club for every available minute. I have bearly seen him all week which is a shame as I wanted to sit and read stories together.  But that was never going to happen as he can't sit still and " reading is boring".

We check him in to the kids club after breakfast and collect him at tea time, feed him, let him chill watching Danger Mouse on the iPad then check him back in at 7pm for play until 10.30pm.  Then he demands more food ( last night he had cookies, fish fingers and nachos on the same plate ). He gets to bed around 11.30pm and falls asleep in seconds.  With the long days of sun it feels earlier as it is daylight until midnight.

We have wobbled ashore without him - to Juneau, Skagway and earlier today Ketchican I think it was called. Strange towns surviving in part on selling diamonds ( not from Alaska ), T-shirts and other souvenirs, made in China, to cruise ship passengers largely made up of Chinese people. We are reminded of Cornwall, for the weather, and the Lake District for the foliage and terrain...although no Kendle mint cake here.  Nothing much to buy that is made locally by locals. The guide who took us tree walking and zip lining described Skagway as being like Disney Land...It kind of was.  

We sail onwards, arriving in Canada tomorrow pm, in BC. Looking forward to that but we are not going ashore until after the kids theatre show at 4pm where small person and his friends ( all newly appointed junior Rangers and pirates after a week of adventures) are staging a circus show. Bless them, they have been practicing all week...it's serious stuff.

Would we cruise again? Small person - "yes, yes, yes!"; husband - "dunno"; me - if they both said yes, then yes. It's been a new experience, and a good one.  But living on the set of Walli is just a little odd.  Hey you, pass me my hover chair, I'm due an apple pie smoothie about now!